1. Madame Laurent (Old Lady downstairs)
Age: 85
Occupation: Retired (From what, I don't know. Possible war widow)
Aggressively friendly, this old lady lives on the ground floor of our building. She is always ready to pounce at the sound of the door opening, bombarding the unfortunate victim with an indistinguishable barrage of words and a mesmerising ball of spittle at the corner of her mouth.
Has poor personal hygiene yet seems to live within an endless cycle of tea towel washing. It is possible she does not own any regular sized towels. A mystery indeed.
Person Rating 4/10
2. Owner of Tranny Bar
Age: 40 est.
Occupation: Tapas Bar proprietor
Our favoured watering hole in Avignon, the Tranny Bar is always good for colourful employees, mutant locals and close proximity to heavy traffic.
The owner is a jovial chap who appears to smoke about 100 cigarettes a day. His tapas bar doubles as an anything-goes-pan-erotic-gay-disco by night. Good coffee, men with breasts, no toilet seat, this establishment offers all the best of French culture. On one occasion we were given free shots of an unusual apricot alcohol and shared a strange and slightly awkward intimate moment with this man.
Person Rating 8/10
3. Blonde Girl
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
English Erasmus student with a stupid haircut. Looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead.
Person Rating 0/10
English Erasmus student with a stupid haircut. Looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butthead.
Person Rating 0/10
4. Nicolas Pons
Age: 45 est.
Occupation: Property Mogul
The landlord. A true French Gentleman, he helped us with our baggage on arrival and offered us advice on living in Avignon. He unabashedly and repeatedly warned Mel about the dangers of flushing tampons and other feminine products down the state of the art 'Sani-flo' toilet (the brain-child of a sadistic and deranged French engineer). Unfortunately our relationship has taken a slight nosedive since I then proceeded to flush a baby wipe through the system. Apparently the delicate system of cogs and gears inside cannot handle fibrous materials. In a revolting display Nicolas plunged and probed the toilet with his bare hands then proceeded to lightly rinse his hands and drink a glass of Orangina (he declined my polite offer of soap).
Person Rating 7/10
Occupation: Property Mogul
The landlord. A true French Gentleman, he helped us with our baggage on arrival and offered us advice on living in Avignon. He unabashedly and repeatedly warned Mel about the dangers of flushing tampons and other feminine products down the state of the art 'Sani-flo' toilet (the brain-child of a sadistic and deranged French engineer). Unfortunately our relationship has taken a slight nosedive since I then proceeded to flush a baby wipe through the system. Apparently the delicate system of cogs and gears inside cannot handle fibrous materials. In a revolting display Nicolas plunged and probed the toilet with his bare hands then proceeded to lightly rinse his hands and drink a glass of Orangina (he declined my polite offer of soap).
Person Rating 7/10
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